Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
