yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Someone shattered a urinal.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
