Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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