I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
