considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
