I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
