We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
