i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's rum buckets o'clock
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
