When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
