haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
