dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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