I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
