As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize