After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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