it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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