Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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