My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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