I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
