five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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