Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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