Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
