She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
