your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize