you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
