He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
did i walk over a car last night?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
