Can i not drive my cunt home
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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