we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
