It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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