do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
