We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
