sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize