saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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