Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize