Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Enjoy the penises
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
