You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
