Heybabeimwearingurpanties
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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