my phone needs a breathalizer
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
