Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
