I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
