I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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