Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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