its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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