the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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