people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
