Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
