Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
