Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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