You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
