Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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