If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
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