have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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