come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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