It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I need to stop coming to work sober
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
