You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
