I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
