My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
