Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
third nipple confirmed
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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