Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
