Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
