we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
