the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
