Your tits are I can't wait for
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
