i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
