I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
