I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
