After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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