OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
