Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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