maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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