I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
