They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
