So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
