How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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