She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize